What Parents Need To Know About Teens and Sex

posted in: Parenting, Teens | 0

By Tonya Cherry

20150207_095203Our kids are growing up in a sexually saturated society. Technology and cultural norms have negatively impacted how our teens view sex. As Christian parents, we sometimes feel that because our kids are “churched” or in “safer” environments, they are protected from this but statistics hardly differ between Christian teens and non-believers.  Before we did our PG 13 parent workshop, I had the opportunity to talk to some older teens and get unscripted answers to the questions that parents ask. I also put 2 large pieces of butcher paper outside my office and wrote “WHAT YOUR PARENTS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT TEENS AND SEX” in the center of each paper. Below are the responses that high schoolers wrote. The kids behind these honest statements are“good kids”; straight A students, NHS members, youth group leaders, babysitters, and leaders. They are our kids.


“We all see porn

Just because we’re asking about sex doesn’t mean we’re having sex

Just because I want to be alone with them does not mean we are having sex

Even good kids do bad things

The more boundaries you set and the more “no’s” we hear, the more we want to do what it is you are telling us not to do

We don’t like being told how we feel or how we should feel

Our motives are not always rebellious sometimes we just do DUMB stuff

We don’t tell you because we are afraid to tell you

It is awkward to talk to you about sex

Forgive us when we mess up

Don’t condemn us

We look to you for an example of how to love others

Christian teens have sex

We want to feel wanted

Nudes are a common thing

Show interest without being invasive

Be honest with us about the mistakes you made at our age

We want you to trust us and our decisions

We feel ashamed


Please don’t assume

Social media romanticizes sex

Prepare us for the pressures we face

Your own kids probably are not perfect so don’t criticize other peoples kids

We lie more than you think

Sometimes we need to talk out our frustrations and you just should listen

Our music is filthy

Sex, drugs and drinking are common even with church kids

You are not always right

Girls look at porn too

We don’t have a crush on every person we talk to

Even though you were once a kid, our issues are different

Don’t be condescending

We do dramatic things for attention sometimes

Teens are having sex

We can be bullied for being a virgin

Support me

My friends aren’t criminals

We need love and space

Porn is everywhere all the time

When your kids mess up, they need you to be for them not against them

YOUR kid may be suicidal because of what they have done or been treated

Punishment is not always the best way to stop our behavior

Don’t ask too many questions

We feel so much pressure from our peers

Sending nudes is such a normal thing to do

Listen without interrupting

We are really good at pretending”

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