Speaking “Code” In Marriage

Speaking “Code” In Marriage

posted in: Communication, Marriage | 0

By Diana Bauer

How would you describe your communication with your friends, your kids, your family of origin? How would you describe your communication with your spouse? Is it soul satisfying or soul crushing? Do you find yourself crying out, “I am giving you the best of me. Why can’t you hear what I am saying to you and why is it that you do not understand me? I am through with this. Let’s just stop pretending!”

As a counselor at Life Counseling Center and a proficient sinner myself, I confront the confusing problems with communication on a very regular basis. If I had to boil it all down to a few sentences I would say that we all have very powerful past identity forming statements thrown at us at an early age that we store up or treasure in our hearts. Even as youngsters we begin to find meaning surrounding these treasures by reasoning them in our hearts. Eventually, these treasures affect our very identity which then corrupts our ability to communicate. In fact we speak in what I call “CODE” rather than truth in love. There are great complexities in “CODE” speaking and it can be pervasive, confusing and can be debilitating. Learning to communicate in a way that brings couples to a place of better understanding and love for one another is a possibility but it takes looking deeply at the patterns and experiences that have shaped us.

Life Counseling Center will host a weekend conference called The Heart of Marriage on March 13 and 14. If you struggle with communication I invite you to come learn ways we can recognize how those very powerful experiences cause us to speak “CODE” and begin to develop a biblical framework to set us on a path of redemptive speech.


Diana Bauer is a counselor at Life Counseling center. She brings over 10 years of working with couples to help them gain a closer and more meaningful relationship. She will be speaking at the upcoming marriage conference held at Chapelgate Presbyterian Church.

The Life Counseling Center and the Chapelgate Family ministries will be presenting a weekend conference focused on strengthening and encouraging your marriage. Whether you’re newly married or are have been married for many years, this is a conference you will benefit from. Marriage is one of the most sanctifying relationships you will ever be in. As it sanctifies you, it can challenge you in ways never expected. If your marriage is facing challenges or is experiencing a time of grace-filled unity, you will find value in the teaching this conference will bring. Join us as 7 speakers from both the Life Counseling Center and Chapelgate Church Pastoral Staff address many important topics including:


  • Foundations of a Biblical Marriage
  • Marriage Misconceptions and how they affect us
  • Understanding our own hearts and idols and how they affect the ways in which we love our spouses and children.
  • Communication and Conflict Resolution skills
  • Forgiveness
  • Special time of Q&A with all 7 presenters.

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